


To Be Enough

by just_another_outcast



Series: the scenes we deserve (episode tags) [5]
Category: Prodigal Son (TV 2019)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Tag, Episode: s01e05 The Trip, Family, Gen, Hugs, Malcolm Bright Gets a Hug, Malcolm Bright Needs a Hug, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Tag to 1x05, coda to 1x05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24748996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_another_outcast/pseuds/just_another_outcast
Summary: Malcolm isn't good at friendship. He hasn't been for a long time. But this team is all he wants, if only he can manage to not push them away. He always pushes everyone away. He is always so alone. But as long as Gil is around, Malcolm will never truly be alone.(tag to 1x05, The Trip)
Relationships: Gil Arroyo & Malcolm Bright
Series: the scenes we deserve (episode tags) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1782832
Comments: 2
Kudos: 73





	To Be Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not quite as happy with this one as I am some of the others, but that's probably only because it was so hard to come up with an idea for a tag for this ep. I adore this ep exactly how it is and there wasn't anything that stuck out to me as something I wanted to change or add. But I came up with this, and I think it's pretty good for what it is. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a review!!!

Malcolm wasn't good at friendship. He used to be. Before his father was arrested, Malcolm was just as popular as any other kid his age in his social strata. Things changed, of course, after that, even for Ainsley, just a little bit. Of course, little girls didn't know what Ainsley's father had done, but their parents did, and became wary of Ainsley all the same. That didn't last long for her. Ainsley herself hadn't changed much at all, so her friendships remained, the parents of her friends gave up trying to keep their children away from her, and life went on. Malcolm was never afforded that same luxury.

Kids his age were old enough to know what Dr. Whitly had done, and kids being kids, they never let Malcolm forget it. Malcolm knew it wasn't all the other kids' fault, but maybe, if they hadn't ostracized him so much, he wouldn't have ended up as "bizarre" as everyone told him he was. He was different as a person after his father's arrest as well. His previous extroversion faded away, and he remained much more withdrawn. A whole slew of mental problems grew and grew, until the only times he was happy were when he was working a homicide investigation. No wonder no one wanted to be friends with him. Malcolm certainly wouldn't want to be friends with himself.

But not having friends took a toll on a person. Even in his most "stable" years, with the FBI, as a general rule, people didn't like him. People didn't want to be his friend, and some were so cruel that he didn't even try. Returning to New York was much the same. He had Ainsley and Gil, and sometimes his mother, depending on what sort of mood she was in, and that was about it. But then he met JT and Dani, and Gil was including him as part of the team, and he finally realized how much he missed having true companionship. When Gil had asked him if he wanted to be a part of that team and he replied that he did, he was barely scratching the surface. Malcolm wanted to be part of the team more than anything. He just didn't know if the team wanted him in return. JT seemed to hate him, and Dani barely tolerated him. Edrisa liked him well enough, but that was a bit different, no matter how much Malcolm appreciated it. He did hope to grow that friendship, and hopefully Edrisa would enjoy being around him as just a friend.

At least he was likely to succeed with Edrisa. Try as he might, JT didn't want much to do with him, and he kept pushing Dani away. Gil told him to stop profiling her, but that was half the problem. He couldn't just stop. He didn't know how to stop. Using what he knew and his observations to figure things out about a person was just so ingrained into him that it wasn't something he could just turn off. It was part of what made him who he was. It was part of what made people leave him. It was part of why he was always alone.

At least he had Sunshine.

All Dani had to do was give him a look and Malcolm knew he was doing it again. He didn't want to hurt her. He never wanted to hurt her. Dani was so amazing and so beautiful and the last thing Malcolm wanted to do was hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable. Earl grey barely said any of that, but it was as good of a start as Malcolm was going to get. But once again, she would ask him a question that was meant to be rhetorical or a joke and he would take it too far and she would look at him like that again, and Malcolm would know he had messed up once more. Luckily, Dani laughed it off, and didn't look uncomfortable. Malcolm just wanted her to look at him with the same affection that he looked at her. It didn't have to be the same type of affection, per se, but he did want her to care about him on some level.

As always, Gil could tell that something was wrong. As soon as Dani left for the evening, Gil took her place by Malcolm's side in the conference room.

"Not going home yet?" he asked Malcolm.

"No, I just wanted to..." he trailed off. He just didn't want to be alone again yet. Sunshine was great, but she couldn't exactly carry an intelligible conversation with him, or do most things that human companionship could.

Gil leaned against the table, not quite sitting on top of it like Malcolm still was, but close. He looked at Malcolm and gave him a sad smile, but Malcolm continued before he could say anything.

"Before you ask, I'm fine," he insisted.

"Oh, you're fine? Is that why you look like a sad puppy dog every time Dani and JT turn around?" Malcolm scoffed lightly, but smiled nonetheless. "I know you just want them to accept you, kid-"

"It's not just that," Malcolm interrupted. "I'm not good at this, Gil, I haven't been for a long time. You know that." Gil had been his best friend after his father died, and remained that way ever since. No other friend ever stuck by him long enough to become a best friend. Gil knew how he struggled throughout the rest of school, and that even at Quantico and beyond, he never fit in, he never got accepted into a friend group, and he never felt like he had a place to belong or people to call home.

"Of course I know that-"

"So you know that there's just something wrong with me and I can't turn it off and I always push people away and-"

"Hey, hey, kid," Gil interrupted, breaking Malcolm's spiral before it truly started. "There is nothing wrong with you, I promise. Have I ever lied to you?" After a moment, Malcolm shook his head, so Gil continued. "I know he pretends not to, but JT does like you. He just doesn't want you to know that. Everyone knows how Edrisa feels about you, and Dani, she cares so much more than she lets on. She's been burned too, and she doesn't want it to happen again."

"But I would never hurt her," Malcolm insisted. Well, he would never intentionally hurt her. His unintentional profiling would be what got him into trouble.

"I know that," Gil replied, resting a hand on Malcolm's knee. "But you need to give her time to know that too. I know you want to be a part of this team more than anything, and this team cares about you. I swear to you they do."

Malcolm wasn't so sure. It wasn't that he didn't believe Gil, because Gil had never once lied to him, but maybe Gil was just wrong. There had been too many people over the years who had said they cared about Malcolm only to end up leaving the moment they got to know the real him.

"I always push people away," he muttered. "I- I profile them because that's just who I am and it hurts people and they leave," he said with a shrug. That was just how it was. It hurt, and it left him so alone, but he was used to it. "I tried to do some damage control, but I pushed Dani away too and it's only a matter of time before I say something again and she doesn't give me another chance."

Gil turned to face him more fully. He looked sad, much more sad than someone who just closed a case should look.

"You never pushed me away, and you're not pushing this team away either," he said. "Dani's a tough girl, and she does care about you. When Dani cares about someone, she won't give up on them unless they give up on her. Are you planning on giving up on her any time soon?"

"No, of course not," Malcolm immediately responded. He cared about Dani so much, maybe more than he should for knowing her for such a short period of time, but he did.

"So you have nothing to worry about," Gil continued. "JT can't ever be pushed away by anyone because nothing ever gets under his skin, not even you. He pretends that you annoy him, but you really don't. And Edrisa, well, as long as you have this face, she won't stop caring." Malcolm cracked a smile and shook his head, but Gil moved again to recapture eye contact. "And I won't ever stop caring either."

That was the only thing that Malcolm knew was true above anything else. By all rights, Gil should've given up on him a long time ago. There was no reason for Gil to stick around as long as he had, and yet he did. Malcolm had accepted that if Gil was going to leave, he would've done it a long time ago. But it was hard sometimes, having only Gil. It was a little easier now that he was older, but growing up with someone who was twenty-five years older than him as his best friend had been difficult. Even now, it was hard sometimes, not having friends his own age.

"I just don't want to be alone anymore," Malcolm finally responded, his voice breaking. He dropped his head and looked away. "I don't want to be alone."

Gil stood in front of him and gently pulled Malcolm's head to his chest. Malcolm reflexively reached up and latched onto Gil's sweater as the man wrapped his arms around him. He began to run his fingers through Malcolm's hair the way he always did to calm him down. Just like usual, it worked.

"You're not alone, kid," Gil murmured, just loud enough for Malcolm to hear him. "As long as I'm around, you will never be alone."

Malcolm's forehead was pressed against Gil's chest, his fingers clenched tightly around the soft fabric of the man's signature sweaters. It was just as soft as it always was, and smelled the same as it always did. It smelled like home. Gil was his home. Malcolm took a deep, steady breath, four seconds in, four seconds out. Gil was his home, and no matter what, that was never going to change.

And no matter what, that would be enough.


End file.
